too long
April 24, 2006it’s been too long since i’ve written here. i guess, i tried to prove a point, or was trying but failed. i wanted to try not to contact u, and see what happens. and just as predicted, i knew what happened before it did. nothing. yep, nothing happened. i just made myself believed that something would.
last week, i missed u. if i didn’t text or IMd u, i knew u wouldn’t bother to catch my attention. why would u? damn it. im starting it all over again. i’m feeling these emotions of demanding ur affection. “i am nobody that matters.” repeat. “i am nobody that matters.”
the last time i saw u, we had dinner together and shared talks as if nothing beyond those words existed. for a moment, i believed that scene - u asked me how love’s doing, and i tried to ask questions on ur side of the fence. it seems like a scene not so long ago, when i don’t know what u felt for me, and that’s what i intended it to be. just that. no more, no less.
but i have changed. somehow. deny it as much as i wanted to, i feel hurt when i hear u mention her name in such a romantic manner. somehow, there’s this weird, eekie feeling when the conversation turns to something about her. i know who she is in ur life, and i know who i am.
maybe, im just wishin for just one thing that i know i would feel the true feelings you have for me.
but then again, maybe this is just what it is. nothing.
despite everything, i still feel something for u. i dare not attach a name to it. all i know is u’re important to me. i wished it would be easier not to meet your eye. maybe it wouldve been easier if there was nothing there really to see. but my heart says differently.
im feeling all too much.
im missin u all too much.
i dont even know what u feel for me.
