iwntu

i dun’t really think that u’re missin me more than i miss u. For weeks, i’ve been trying so desperately to forget ur existence - ur existence in my heart. For weeks, i’ve cried deep down. I have questions that will never be answered. For the very reason that I am never that one u chose to be with forever. not that i have any say on the matter. as i am with someone else as well.

u said u missed me. u missed my smell, my embrace, my hug, my kisses. u want me to envelope u in my arms. i asked for how long? u told me u want to be with me till 10pm. i asked, can it be 4ever. u answered the statement i always tell u when we were kiddin before.

Be careful wat u wish for.

I tried so hard not to fall too much. i thot i can stop my heart from fallin for u too much, from believing in heaven, from being mesmerized in ur gaze. Yeah, i still have my mind in tact, thanks for u. U keep me sane in moments when I thot i could forsake forever just to be with u. But u will never know just how much i crave ur sole attention. U will never know. u dun’t have to know.

i know, now, more than ever, u never thot the what ifs questions u asked the time that u were confused. i guess, u have put me in the pedestal where i really am this girl that u can be with at times that u want me to be. if u have time…

How weird. All along we were pretty fine… until i asked what happened the time I really felt, reality kicked in. All the time, u were insisting to be with me tonight. just for a time. oh i remember.. in a place where i can be urs. “in a place where u can be mine”something like that. u dunt know the warmth of feeling that came over me. it sounds like a dream - that dream that can only be too good for reality.

i asked u if it’s okay that when the time comes u have to avoid me, to tell me… u asked if i wanted u to avoid me already. i told u, course not. it’s actually weird. i can’t seem to pass u by, neither do u, looking into each others eyes. before i could do it with. straight to ur eye, tell u i love u. well, i guess because before it doesn’t mean anything much than friendship. but now it’s different. u told me it will eventally come - one day, i would go, u will move away. these very notion left my heart broken once again. i remember, i asked u before, or rather, i told u… “when the time comes that u’re married, i know u’d leave me..”  i would understand why there is a need to leave me anyway. my mind understands the logic and my heart respects her, but there is a part of my heart that will plunge deep wound. it hurts now just thinking of it. i wonder how much havoc it would create when it comes.

i guess for now, i’ll just have to make do with what’s here for now. live the moment in ur arms. where i call u baby, and i am ur baby, too. for now. just now. i love you.