he called me baby

i thot it was a rebound. he kept insisting that he was the one who hurt me, who made me feel so broken. i would have wished it was him then, then at least by that time, its the start of the end.

but it wasn’t him.

this is where he entered my life.

that time, i opened up to him how i felt like a biatch. i am in a relationship, but i fell for someone else who claimed to love me dearly. this someone else, Love, would be re-told later on. i’m still reeling this relationship with Baby.

we were talkin online, when i told him abot Love. i thot he was so arrogant - thinking he was love. ok fine, he admitted he had a crush on me 1st time he saw me. he knows im in a relationship, and he’s in a relationship as well. i emptied my heartaches to him, and he thot it was him. (arrogant? haha ). the online chat concluded badly, he didn’t like the idea of me as a bitch.  he went off the office, i stayed, but sms wise, he gave me this message:

Behind every circumstance is GOD’s purpose.  At times what we consider a trial is simply the HAND of GOD rearranging our lives d way HE wants it to be. God Bless!

that was the start of more getting to know each other line.

it wasn’t love crush at my side. i didn’t fell with him instantly as i was reeling from a bad wound. but he was there. he was my constant chatmate, ultimate confessor of strange deeds, fellow alcoholic, and pizza addict. he was a good friend and companion. until one day, we were resting at the usual lunch break hour - post break time - trying to sneak some snooze. he sneak a kiss… or two.. or three… 

he kept insisting to kiss me. i can’t. u see, the way i see him, as i’ve told him — he’d be too perfect for me - my life. the job, the culture, the religion, the principles, the family. his family is like my family. their place like ours. it was all too weird. do i hear background music barry manilow?

then that kiss happened. the real kiss. not the peck at the cheek. nor his kiss on my lips. when i tell a real kiss, it meant i responded. and there was feeling and intensity in the kiss.

he cried. guilt. betrayal. i didn’t ask. but i hugged him. i embraced him.

thus started a series of few stolen times of spending time with Baby. he was the only person who called me Baby. i hated to be call baby. But u know what? somehow, he changed it. he pampered me. not much as the other guys in my life. but enough to make me feel that somehow, i could leave my relationship to be with him forever.

there was a time when he had a talk - about that issue. would i leave my relationship to be with him? i told him i can - if i know that i could make his life better, if i know that i would not ruin his life. for as he told me once, are we going to continue the pseudo-relationship knowing that it could ruin us both?

here we stand on the same stone: live life at the present, accept the consequence when it come.

i think we’re soulmates. that’s what i believe in. but then again, as i also believe, soulmates doesn’t mean those people whom you are to live your forever with side by side in bed, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, till death do us part. soulmates can be friends who share the same soul, passion, and love.

we crossed the line of being together, we both know it. when i have him in my arms, i feel like i’m the luckiest woman alive. but i know also that it would just be for that time. when we part ways that same night, i’ll go home to the man i promised forever, and he to his own.

(i dunt know how many grammatical rules i failed…. all i know is, i poured this straight up - espresso shot)